From the morning after that conversation things become a little blurry for awhile.
I know what order things happened in but the exact time scales are foggy.
My brain doesn’t want to remember I’ve been told.
I’ve been amazed by the way it went into auto pilot.
I use to watch a program when I was younger about the human body and it being powered my tiny people pulling levers and pushing buttons.
I almost feel that is what happened. His words filtered in to my ears and the little person running the audio department starts running around like a sailor in a sinking ship. He would be pushing buttons and throwing switches shouting
I imagine this message finally reached the brain, the little man running things there looks in horror at the command. He reaches for a big red button that sits under a glass hood –autopilot–
I imagine that when the button clicks into place steam is vented and red light flick on in his little cabin.
It makes me smile this little image.
I’m going to keep writing – I’m going to use texts/emails/letters to make sure the timeline is right.
I’m also going to be honest about the part I have played in this. I have to face up to my own mistakes.