BBQ, sex and underwear.

The next 3 days are very very foggy.

Remembering these days is very hurtful.

He is still sleeping in our bed (each night he asks me if i want him to sleep on the sofa, i always say no) but is now openly seeing her.

My manager has let my close workmates know.

I’ve been signed off work for another 2 weeks.

Doctor has upped my meds.

The first night he gets home at 11pm – he tells me all about the BBQ *** has thrown so he can finally meet all her family. He tells me he enjoys this, her sister is pretty cool and he likes her boyfriend (I had been told her sister was bordering on death – hence all the previous contact). He does not seem to care how hearing this hurts me.

The night after he comes in at 3am. He tells me how he got a BJ in the car and how she wears sexy underwear for him. He always wanted me to wear those but felt at my size (uk 12) I was too fat. He gets straight into bed and sleeps. I silently cry myself to sleep.

The night after he comes home at 4am. He tells me how they had sex in car. I then get tips off how I can improve my sexual performance and how I can improve my BJs, how if i lost some weight someone will want me eventually. I’m stunned. I can’t breath. I can’t move. I cry. He gets mad. He calls me weak – he thinks I should pack a bag and just go straight home to my parents.

I curl up in a ball on my side of the bed.

I’ve perfected the silent cry now but he feels me shaking as I do this. He tells me if I don’t stop he’s leaving now. So I buried it again.

I lay there awake looking at his face

I wished I hated him
I wish I had never met him
I don’t want him to leave me
I feel utterly broken


6 thoughts on “BBQ, sex and underwear.

  1. Honey, I don’t meant to be presumptious here, but one of you needs to leave that house. You can’t live like this, hearing this stuff. It is destroying you. He needs to go now. Why doesn’t he stay with her? If that’s not possible, please pack your things and move in with your parents. Now. Today. Get away from this verbal and emotional abuse. You need to protect yourself and remove yourself from the possibility of any more pain. Please do this. Hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  2. I agree. Your husband is being deliberately cruel or fantastically clueless. Either way, he is not treating you as a human being with feelings or a human being at all. Been there. Let him go, physically. The emotional part will take longer, but honey, let him go. This is abuse. I am in no way berating you or saying it is easy. I feel for you. I understand and I’m saying, from experience, let him go. And get some help, someone to talk to, an abuse hotline, search blogs of narcissism abuse. Please. And keep writing. You need to interact with people outside of your old world. Hugs, honey.

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