He’s going to leave.

He is going to leave to stay on a friends sofa.

She still lives with her parents so he cant go there.

He will stay there until they find a place together.

I want to die – i cant do this.

I love him so so much.

Hes leaving me.

 

I gave him everything – my first and only love, my first and only lover, my life, my soul.

 

I have nothing – i hate myself.

I’m empty – I’m a shell.

I have no future.

 

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10 thoughts on “He’s going to leave.

  1. 1. There is nothing wrong with you.
    2. You are loved. By friends and family. And believe me when I say that I know that doesn’t feel like enough sometimes. But please don’t take them for granted.
    3. This is the only way I’ve learned to cope, and I think it’s important: You, me, and everyone else being hammered by adulthood? We’re at rock bottom. Or something damn close. And young lady, you have soooo many years left. And you are–literally–on a collision course with something amazing. So am I. And so is anyone else reading this that feels hopeless. And when everything feels wrong, and it will, I would ask you to think about that amazing thing that’s coming your way in the future. That unopened present. With mystery contents to be delivered on some mystery date in the future.

    One of these days, you’re going to open that gift. And the contents of that gift will change your life, God-willing, forever.

    And when you feel like you don’t have much else to hold on to, I’d encourage you to hold on to that.

    Because we all need to feel hope. And you deserve to have something to look forward to. To be excited about.

    That beautiful thing is coming for you. And I’ll very much look forward to that happening. And I can’t wait to read about it when it does.

    • Thank you for your amazing words – they made me cry a little – but in a good way. i really really hope its true. i will think of your words next time in on the floor. Thank you.

      • Your post inspired me to write something about hope. About our journey pursuing and one day finding happiness. I’ll be hitting “Publish” sometime in the next hour.

        So, thank you. It’s OK to cry. But it’s not OK to abandon hope. There’s a lot of us who hurt. Bad. And you need to be one of the strong ones for the rest of them. Light up the darkness, please. We need you.

  2. Let it out. It hurts and it burns so much, but holding it in isn’t healthy. Nightly, I would sit in my shower and turn up the heat as hot as I could stand it and I would cry. Sometimes I would sit there until the water ran cold.

    • Thank you for your words. I’m struggling to find ways to let it out. One lady told me to get in the car drive and scream while I did it. I don’t drive so I may try this.

  3. I went through a divorce but it was my choice. We no longer talked to each other and were mere strangers in each other’s presence. In my ex’s eyes I was never small enough, I never was light enough, and that equated that I was never good enough. My self-esteem plummeted because of that and after being together for 6 years ( he was my first) I realized I couldn’t be with someone who wanted me to change myself. That everything always came back to my weight and he was not attracted to me. I’m not an average size girl and my weight used to fluctuate a lot due to depression. I have to tell you choosing to get a divorce was a hard choice to make, I delayed it because he begged for three more months to try but it was so forced and unnatural it hurt me more. In the end we ended up staying in touch as friends and occasionally having dinner together. We are better as friends. Divorce hurts plain and simple. However, life will seem difficult at first but it will get easier and eventually you will start to feel happier. The first thing to do is take care of you. Lean on family and friends for support. If you want to cry, then cry. Let it all out into the open. Voice your complaints and tears, I find writing to be highly therapeutic. Go and stare at the ocean if you live by it, that is always where I went when I felt overwhelmed. But please know it gets easier and you will eventually meet someone else. I have met other people since my ex, but I have not dated anyone. I have instead chosen this time to learn to love myself and to work on me. When the time is right I will meet someone new. So hang in there and stay strong. xoxo

    • Thank you for sharing – people are telling me that his attitude toward me was shocking and i will kind someone that love me for me. I cant see it to be honest – i was 11 when we met and 17 when we started seeing each other – i don’t know how to be an adult with out him. I’m struggling. I hope things get better with time. Thanks xx

  4. I was just there. I am still here. I did not die. I wanted to, I thought I would, at one point I think I hoped for it..but, God isn’t ready for me yet. God said NO. It hurts. It sucks. It’s total pain and agony. But, you won’t die and you will get through. You have family. You have a support system. You can get help. Do what you need to. Keep focusing, As I’ve been told over and over, one day at a time..more like one hour at a time. I pray for you.

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