I know I’m stupid.

I have called my parents to tell them a little of what has happened.

My dad sounds disappointed in me, he doesn’t understand why i don’t hate him. He seems to think i should be throw plates and destroying all his stuff.

He had me call the landlady – she has thrown her husband out a year ago for cheating – she has been amazing. Shes going to make sure i get the deposit back – she also said that he cant move her in.

Mother thinks i should come home and live in the dinning room.

But i don’t want to do that.

I’m miss him so so much, i want him back. Not the monster that visits me in evening takes anything from me he wants and leave. I miss the man who proposed to me. I miss the man who would heat up my wheatie dog when i had cold feet. I miss the kisses full of love rather than the function ones we now have.

I have failed – none of my brothers or sisters have divorced!

What was wrong with me?

I read today that Kelly Brooks (UK TV personality) husband has been sleeping with other women. Shes so skinny and pretty – there really is no hope for me.

He told me i was too fat, too ugly, not interesting enough, i hate myself.

I don’t know how to fix this.

I Feel so utterly broken.

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4 thoughts on “I know I’m stupid.

  1. You could always not try to fix it. Some things are bigger than us. You can control just one thing. And that’s you. You can choose to love yourself. You can choose to respect yourself. You can choose to believe in yourself. Every day. Those choices will change your life.
    There are millions of us out here. Feeling what you feel. You’re not alone. We’re standing with you. And we love you. We respect you. And we believe in you.

  2. It’s hard to believe that it’s happening. It’s hard to believe that it happened. I still have a hard time comprehending that I’m only 25 and I’ve already gone through one marriage and now one divorce. My husband never told me that he didn’t find me attractive, but his lack of intimacy and need of alcohol to even touch me burned my heart.

    It takes time to get over that hurt. Look in the mirror and smile. You’re a warrior and you’ve managed to get this far, right?

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