Inside joke and a little revenge!!

I wasn’t too bad when I got up this morning, I felt numb really. But I did it with minimal crying. Then a friend made a joke and for some reason it just brought me all the may back down. I walked in to the break room talking to my mum and said ‘love you, bye’ my friend then said ‘Hey Mand was that *****’

I didn’t get it, he thought it was hilarious. It didn’t get it. I tried to think after where the joke was.

This guy isn’t a bad guy, his wife left him 9 months ago. Maybe this is a joke that I’ll understand in 6 months.

I suppose I’m being sensitive but they have now found a place of there own. I’m struggling when anything reminds me of him. It’s like a punch in the gut. Sometimes something will hit me and I’ll feel a physical pain.

Why do we miss people that have hurt us so much.

I worry about him, he sat and talked to me a while ago about his fears regarding leaving me.

He was worried he was making a mistake. He was worried he would look back at this moment and think that’s where his life went wrong – in my opinion his life went wrong when he put his penis in someone else but I’m probably biased on the situation.

I asked him why he was not sharing his hopes and dreams with ***. He said that she didn’t like hearing about his ‘old life’.

So I sat and chatted to him. He talked about he’s fears, I then did something mean. The first mean thing that I’ve done to him in all this. I casually told him that I thought his bald spot was getting bigger.

He is monumentally sensitive about this. He froze and looked at me – he has thought the same. He’s sure it’s because of all the stress. I imagine it is.

Ripping the heart out of the women who has loved you for 9 years then psychologically abusing her till the thought of an overdose becomes an attractive proposition must really raise the blood pressure.

I feel a little bad being mean to him. No I’m not selling his sound system or shredding his clothes but for now this is my little bit of revenge.

I still miss him. I’m a dick.

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