I still sleep hugging dipsticks pillow. It still smells of him.
This make me feel weak.
How and why are we capable of loving those who hurt us so badly.
Why can’t we switch it off when we reach a certain threshold of pain?
But I don’t tell anyone about this, I think they would look at me like I’m mad.
Still clinging to someone who hurt me in every way it’s possible to hurt someone.
And my biggest confession? Cut the bullshit and the bravado.
If he turned up at my door today and begged forgiveness I’d probably take him back.
As I drift off tonight I pray (I have faith, not in a totally religious way, I’m not sure who I’m praying to if I’m bring honest!).
I pray that tomorrow I’m stronger.
I’m praying that I wouldn’t think about taking back a man who did this to me.
I feel weak but its honest.