Didn’t expect that?!

Feeling a bit shocked.

I’ve got PTSD.

Explains the flashbacks, rumination, sleep issues, feeling of impending danger, being scared shit less most of the time and avoiding triggers!!

Think it started in those weeks they spent intently mentally abusing me (and also the years of the milder mental abuse within the relationship – this apparently explains why I was always on edge and jumpy).

The weeks he spent comparing me sexually, getting into bed at night describing all the sexual stuff they had done, telling me he was moving her in, telling me he was going to take all the money (which he did anyway) and forcing me to bury my emotions.

He tried to break me to get me to move home so he could take everything.

He didn’t make me move away but I’m wonder if I should have.

I’m wondering the damage now done.

He’s off enjoying he’s life and I’m left with no money, in therapy and with PTSD!!

Shit – I still fucking miss him – I’m messed up.

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