Once little bro is in bed I have been self medicating to sleep – no matter how much I sleep I’m exhausted.

I’m drinking at night.

I dreamt I went to a field. I dreamt that I screamed and instead of a noise black tar spewed from my mouth.
It spewed and didn’t stop. The hurt, betrayal, pain, venom, loneliness and self loathing poured from me. It spewed and spewed from me until I stood in a black pool. It was dripping down my chin, it soaked my clothes. The black tar kept coming out of me. It didn’t stop, my knees gave way – I fell into the pool of tar. I laid in it, tears streamed down my eyes, the tar kept coming. I couldn’t breath.

I woke up.

Sometimes i dream about dipstick directly. Dream it hasn’t happened, or i dream this world I live in now is a nightmare.

I prefer the dream about the field of tar – it’s confusing let less painful.


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