Living in twilight zone!!

I’ve been thinking a lot in the last week about me.

Every time I try to do this it ALWAYS switched back to thinking about dipstick.

Having this week off has been good with little bro. He’s immature for his age which has been good for me in many ways. He has demanded a lot of my time, but I have had time to think. Too much time really.

Every branch of my life feels wrong to the core. Everything feels alien, it feels like I’m watching a television program.

This is not my life, this is not I signed up for.

7 years ago I moved 300 miles away from my family to live on a small island just off the UK.

I gave up college, my job and contact with my family.

I was faithful to him in every way.

I used all my money to Kay the bills.

He told me we would go back to our home town once a month.

We ended you going back twice a year.

I have been left with nothing.

Pretty much everything hurts.

I feel like screaming till my vocal cords implode.

But I’m trying to not dwell on all this (yes I know that’s laughable considering my daily posts, but believe me I am trying).

So here what I must do in the next week.

Do a budget.

Make a list of options that I need to pick from by Christmas.

Set up payment plan to dipstick – he wants half the value of the furniture I have kept.

Set up payment to house share for half bills and rent.

I hate dragging myself through this shit.

It’s all shit.

I can’t help thinking I should have moved in by myself but there’s nothing I can do now.

House share has made no more remarks about taking thing further. I hope he gets it now.

I miss dipstick, I don’t know why. I still don’t understand either why I haven’t stopped loving him or why I miss him.

I’m hoping I stop loving him soon, I hope I stop missing him!


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