Why and how?

Why is it last night I was feeling pretty ok.

Downloading a dating app, thinking maybe I might like to go on a date – then today I’m feeling so so sad.

I felt like staying in bed this morning instead of going to work.

I feel like my life is over, like I have no future. It’s like I’d be better off ending it all.


There’s been no contact between me being okish last night and on the floor this morning.

I think I’m booking in for a cry on the bathroom floor when I get home.

Can’t focus, can’t see past what’s happened. I feel so utterly lost again this morning.

Is this the natural up and down of my life now because if it is I don’t want it.

Why do I spend so much of my life so sad and wishing I wast here.

I have a dark secret thought that hounds me when I feel low.

I wish I had died in my sleep on the 19th of April.

I would have been happy and not know this pain.

But I didn’t and I do so I suppose I better stop hiding in the ladies loo and go do some work before I drive myself deeper down.

Still not decided about dipsticks family.



5 thoughts on “Why and how?

  1. I think the feelings are normal because I am going through them too. It’s a horrible roller-coaster ride and not one we wanted to go on. Plus, it seems to be endless, doesn’t it?

  2. I so feel for you because i know these feelings so well !! I want my husband back, i want my life back! I get anxiety all the time when i allow myself to see my future! But… you will be ok, we have to be ok, we have to move on! My life is a daily struggle and i never know when the pain is going to hit me but i will be happy again and so will you! We have to be happy again, we have too FACT!! I could sleep forever, i could happily be snow white asleep in the forest! But facing reality, we cannot let someone else define the rest of our lives no matter how much it breaks our hearts! My mantra is ‘head over heart’ xxxxx

  3. I know that feeling so well but….you must face the day! I try my hardest to get through the day and then vent on here! Get through one day at a time! In fact hour by hour if you need too! I literally shout ‘NO’ out loud if my head starts to wobble! My ex is being vile, so horrible its untrue! But…. i will not let him destroy me! xxxxxx

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