Once he arrived home!!

He got through the door and smiled at me 

you OK love?, i didn’t expect you to be up still.


i tried to call you


yer sorry i saw, lets go to bed ah, you look sleepy.


did something happy tonight with you and ***? 


like what?


like anything?


i don’t know what you mean.


i mean what i say did anything happen?


i’m too tiered for this and your being odd, lets go to sleep.


so i did, i laid in bed and didn’t go to sleep but instead stared at the ceiling to scared to ask the question. i was full of fear – white hot fear – it wrapped around my heart and burnt me. it hurt, a lot, the fear of a million things running around my head at once. FEAR come out of every cell of me.


Started with a phone call!!!

Oi you ignorant women, next time i wave at you don’t run off. Have i upset you?

I genuinely have not the slightest idea what you are talking about! Are you OK? 

I just saw you down the sea front snuggling with *****, i waved. you didn’t even  acknowledge me!

What?! When?!

About 2 hours ago!


Mand?! You there?

***** is out with some work mates. I’m at home………..

Oh right. Well i could have been wrong. I’ve been drinking, sorry love. You know me. I’m sure iv cocked up.

Yer sure babe, no prob, I’ve gotta go, see ya.

I sat there – for how long i’m not quit sure. i had a feeling in my stomach that was like a brick had taken up nest in there. i knew he had picked a female work colleague up for a work do. 

I picked up my phone – text-ed him twice – rung him twice.

He didn’t pick up

He came home 3 hours later at 3am