Unexpected call!

I’ve been struggling lately.

Haven’t really been able to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Seem to be going backwards.

Didn’t really see how I was going to break free of this downward spiral.

Got a call today – the NHS therapist.

He explained they all have meetings each month with their supervisors and managers. They discuss their patients to see if they are doing the right thing.

Due to ‘recent events’ (I assume they mean the PTSD) they have re-assessed my case. It’s been decided I will go to from – monthly 30 mins sessions to – weekly 60 min sessions.

Ill now be seeing my therapists supervisor – he said that she is better equipped to help me – he said she was amazing.

During my last session I told my therapist about Black Thursday, I’m worried now. The last thing I need is to be branded ‘a mental’ – as dipstick called me when he heard I was signed off sick and on meds.

I’m not going to tell work – I’ve just gone for a promotion.

I’ve felt I needed something to help me try to move on, I’m not seeming to mange it by myself. I read a lot of blogs about divorce and break ups, everyone else seems to cope so well. I just can’t seem to get past the fact he has gone – I just can’t seem to cope on my own. I can’t seem to move past the pain.

Also just a little note to NHS workers. The service you provide makes a massive difference – my therapist, my case worker, my doctor – they have all been amazing supportive people.


Confused and in pain!!

Little bros down with me now. I’m having issues.

He’s very demanding but I’m am enjoying myself.

I miss dipstick so so much today.

I’ve not replied to any of his texts for 7 days!!

I hurt so much, a physical pain, an ache.

I feel that if I reply the hurt might stop,
It’s getting harder not easier.

Tomorrow would be our anniversary, if he texts me tomorrow……. well I don’t know.

I stick by my post yesterday – I’m pining for him.

Is there a cure for it? Anyone got any ideas?

The feeling of rootlessness has returned.

I feel empty and in pain and hurt.

How could he have done this to me.

Half of me thinks I’ve become so down because of the anniversary!!

My life seems devoid of all meaning!!