Ahhhhhh!

Woke up at 4am.

I’d had a terrible dream.

I broke my uninitiated contacted rule.

I emailed dipstick!

Shit shit shit

I wish I could take it back.

I wasn’t a take me back email at least, I’ve never gone there.

It was a how could you did this email.

Oddly since I have done this I feel like a pressure had been released!

I just feel embarrassed now.

Crap – I hope he doesn’t show it to her!

😦

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I’m missing my left hand while being repeatedly punched in the chest!!

Weekends are hard for me.

Dipstick said another reason for him leaving me was that I didn’t get to spend quality time with him.

As IT works at the same place as him, IT has weekends off too.

When I’m working at a weekend now my mind goes to places it shouldn’t.

Are they together right now?

Where are they?

Are they in OUR coffee shop/restaurant/beach!,

If there’s not many customers at work I’m destined to have a weekend from hell.

The other side of it is that we would speak every lunch time.

I miss doing this, I spend so much of my time missing him.

I feel like I’m missing my left hand most of the time.

Today I saw the man that IT had an affair with before IT had an affair with dipstick.

He looked me, he gave me this sad smile full of pity.

It sent me over the edge for a few hours.

It was like a immediate punch in the chest.

I wanted to ask him what was so amazing about IT, I wanted to ask why men immediately forget about there wife’s and girlfriends (dipstick was the 5th man that IT was slept with that was in a relationship/married).

One day I would like to ask her why she only peruses men that are attracted?

I spent the next 3 hours thinking about them non stop.

It was like being repeatedly punched in the chest!!

I hate weekends.