‘The first cut is the deepest’ – Never understood this before.

I’ve had issues deciding what to write today – i started this to just write day by day whats happened over the last 3 months. My brain has other plans and for now at least i’m going to go with it.

It seems to want to gets some things out before it will focus on my subject of choice.

I liked music before this happened – i loved it really. i was never with out my headphones and my taste was varied. Now however i hate music, quit ironic as i have custody of the iTunes account now (something i am considering gifting to him as i’m no longer using it).

I realized the other day I’ve had lots of songs on my iPod with little understanding of the true meaning behind them. i never really grasped the emotional content before.

I met my ex at school.

He was my first proper boyfriend

My first proper kiss

My first date

My first love

My first lover

I had before 20th April never had my heart broken – not in that Bridget Jones montage style of will or wont he call, i had never listened to a break up song and understood the true pain and angst spawned it.

Songs about love now make me want to vomit (i see them in my head picking furniture and have romantic meals in front of a log fire)

Songs about affairs make me want to vomit (i see them in my home, on my bed, her in my shower)

Songs about hope make me feel sad.

I hope i like music again one day – still not sure about giving him the ITunes account?