The next day he tells me he is going to take her shopping, shes stressed and he wants to treat her.
I sit on the sofa with my knees to my chest and stare into space – i seem to do this a lot.
I ask him if he will be home for dinner.
He says hes not sure.
Looking back on this now i literally cant believe that
A – he told me this.
B – I just accepted this, i cant believe how much i took.
About 2 hours later i go to the display unit in our hall way – its full of pictures, presents, shells, treasure found on the beaches and old cinema stubs. I take a box and start ripping the unit to pieces. i pack everything away. I make the mistake of looking at some of the tags and reading the loving messages there.
My phone rings
Its a friend of mine, she is a good friends – one of those people that you don’t see you ages then when you do catch up its like there was never any gap in contact. When i called her and told her about what was happening she cried with me (i don’t remember making this call but she told me i did it in the first days of it all)
Hi Mand, you OK?
Oh Mand, i’m sorry to ask but have you seen Facebook?
My heart sinks at this, i haven’t told my family or any friends that he is seeing her less than 24 hours after telling me its over. i think i know whats coming next.
Oh god, wait while i log on.
NO.. No don’t you look, please just go on and delete your profile. Please promise me you wont look.
I log on and follow her advice. i think i must have hung up at some point because the next thing i remember i’m sitting on the floor surrounded by our memories and my phone is ringing. its my mum i assume she has seen whatever made my friend call me.
I don’t answer
Instead i write a group text to all my family. i explain what has happened – that we are splitting up due to the fact he has been/wants to see someone else. I don’t know how long for but i think its been going on longer than the week he is saying. I send it then turn my phone off.
I finish packing the box then i run a bath. i pour a large glass of wine.
I get in the bath – i down the wine in 3 gulps then i cry – this turns in to a howl.
I’ve never howled like this – its even worst than the first night he told me it was over.
It must be bad as the person upstairs starts banging on the floor.
I cant stop but i do quieten down after a while.
Next thing i know i’m ‘coming to’ – the bath water is cold.
This is the first time i really recognize i have ‘lost time’. Its like people talk about alien abductions except with no UFOs – I’ve lost 2 hours.
I get out the bath – I’m immediately dizzy – I vomit – I vomit so much i end up dry heaving – there’s nothing left in me.
He walks in the door a few hours later – i’m in the kitchen as he has text-ed me saying he will be home for dinner – i’m cooking.
He throws down his shoes – hes mad about something.
Have you seen what ****** put on Facebook?
No – she called me today and asked me to delete Facebook so i did.
Well me and *** put ourselves in a relationship on Facebook and ****** put some comment on it about her being a whore and how many more marriages is she going to ruin? Poor *** had a panic attack – We where going to out out for dinner but i had to take her home.
I don’t say anything. I don’t ask him how he could do this to me when i haven’t even told my family. I don’t point out that he is trying to convince me its been less than a week and if that’s the case why everything so quick? I don’t ask how he can talk to me about HER stress?
Then he sees the display unit –
Where is everything?
I packed it way?
I don’t say anything to this – i just look at him
Have you chucked it way?
Good i want to keep some of it.
At this point a tiny amount of realization takes hold.
This must have been going on a while, hes let go of me. He doesn’t seem to care about my pain anymore.
He seems more relived that he can be in the open with her.
I want to know how long they have been talking about the day he would break the news to me?
What i still don’t understand to this day is why is he mad i took the memories down front the display unit?
He asks me if i want him to sleep on the sofa
I say no
He gets in to bed and i go straight to sleep.