Have you seen Facebook?

The next day he tells me he is going to take her shopping, shes stressed and he wants to treat her.

I sit on the sofa with my knees to my chest and stare into space – i seem to do this a lot.

I ask him if he will be home for dinner.

He says hes not sure.

 

Looking back on this now i literally cant believe that

A – he told me this.

B – I just accepted this, i cant believe how much i took.

 

About 2 hours later i go to the display unit in our hall way – its full of pictures, presents, shells, treasure found on the beaches and old cinema stubs. I take a box and start ripping the unit to pieces. i pack everything away. I make the mistake of looking at some of the tags and reading the loving messages there.

 

My phone rings

 

Its a friend of mine, she is a good friends – one of those people that you don’t see you ages then when you do catch up its like there was never any gap in contact. When i called her and told her about what was happening she cried with me (i don’t remember making this call but she told me i did it in the first days of it all)

Hi Mand, you OK?

I’m Broken

Oh Mand, i’m sorry to ask but have you seen Facebook?

 

My heart sinks at this, i haven’t told my family or any friends  that he is seeing her less than 24 hours after telling me its over. i think i know whats coming next.

 

Oh god, wait while i log on.

NO.. No don’t you look, please just go on and delete your profile. Please promise me you wont look.

 

I log on and follow her advice. i think i must have hung up at some point because the next thing i remember i’m sitting on the floor surrounded by our memories and my phone is ringing. its my mum i assume she has seen whatever made my friend call me.

I don’t answer

Instead i write a group text to all my family. i explain what has happened – that we are splitting up due to the fact he has been/wants to see someone else. I don’t know how long for but i think its been going on longer than the week he is saying. I send it then turn my phone off.

I finish packing the box then i run a bath. i pour a large glass of wine.

I get in the bath – i down the wine in 3 gulps then i cry – this turns in to a howl.

I’ve never howled like this – its even worst than the first night he told me it was over.

It must be bad as the person upstairs starts banging on the floor.

I cant stop but i do quieten down after a while.

Next thing i know i’m ‘coming to’ – the bath water is cold.

This is the first time i really recognize i have ‘lost time’. Its like people talk about alien abductions except with no UFOs – I’ve lost 2 hours.

I get out the bath – I’m immediately dizzy – I vomit – I vomit so much i end up dry heaving – there’s nothing left in me.

He walks in the door a few hours later – i’m in the kitchen as he has text-ed me saying he will be home for dinner – i’m cooking.

He throws down his shoes – hes mad about something.

 

Have you seen what ****** put on Facebook?

No – she called me today and asked me to delete Facebook so i did.

Well me and *** put ourselves in a relationship on Facebook and ****** put some comment on it about her being a whore and how many more marriages is she going to ruin? Poor *** had a panic attack – We where going to out out for dinner but i had to take her home.

 

I don’t say anything. I don’t ask him how he could do this to me when i haven’t even told my family. I don’t point out that he is trying to convince me its been less than a week and if that’s the case why everything so quick? I don’t ask how he can talk to me about HER stress?

Then he sees the display unit –

 

Where is everything?

I packed it way?

Why?

 

I don’t say anything to this – i just look at him

 

Have you chucked it way?

No!

Good i want to keep some of it.

 

At this point a tiny amount of realization takes hold.

This must have been going on a while, hes let go of me. He doesn’t seem to care about my pain anymore.

He seems more relived that he can be in the open with her.

I want to know how long they have been talking about the day he would break the news to me?

 

What i still don’t understand to this day is why is he mad i took the memories down front the display unit?

 

We eat

He asks me if i want him to sleep on the sofa

I say no

He gets in to bed and i go straight to sleep.